After scanning the old brochure that Bill “lent me” (via Tom), I went looking on my drives for other “memorabilia”. I found two Christmas Poems from 1988, and one from 1991. These were written on while on Hotline during the silence called Christmas break (we had to man the phones even though they only rang once every other day). The second one mentions a LOT of people by name (I have stripped last names for “privacy”…)
A New Years Poem
December 28, 1988
By: Steve P.
Twas the day after Christmas and all through these rooms
Not a person was stirring, I was lis’ning to tunes.
There were papers spread out all over my desk
The ones with no writing were the ones I liked best.
Our employees were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of Softool (?!) danced in their heads.
With my feet on my desk, and my chair reclined back
I had just settled down for a nice quiet nap.
When down the long hall, the night bells went CLANG
I fell out of my chair, and said “I’ll be danged!”
I grabbed for the phone, hit the numbers I knew,
and said “Hi, you’ve reached Softool. Can I help you?”
The caller, astonished that someone responded,
said “Hi, I need help, my computer has ‘gone dead'” (you can rhyme that!)
The response I came up with was slow in arriving,
I said “Hit the RESET, and things will start flying”
The problem was solved, the crisis had ended
For three long days now, the phone’s I have tended.
They’ve been very quiet, only five calls I took,
and to think that next month, they will ring off the hook.
It’s really quite boring here, no one to tease,
normally this place is buzzing like bees.
I’ll see you all later, in a week and a half,
We’ll have to sit down, and have a good laugh.
My thoughts go to you, as I reach for a beer,
“I hope all of you had a Happy New Year!”
December ’88
By: Dave W., Steve P., Tom K.
A Tech Support Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through Hotline
not a creature was quiet–Nothing was fine.
Elizabeth was screaming at the top of her lungs,
Roger <snip> had called to say his jobs were all hung.
And Lorin was meek and as quiet as a mole,
from the reaming when Paul tore her a new a-hole.
And James in his office and I in my own
were busy now talking via VAX phone.
When out of Steve’s office there arose such a clatter,
we sprang from our desks to see what was the matter.
Away from our terminals no one quicker had flown,
and Kristen dropped Glenn, who she had on the phone.
Roni threw down her catalog, the one from Land’s End
then picked up the phone to order again.
Steve’s phone was ringing, he thought it was Paul
And ran cursing and swearing straight down the hall.
When who on the answered phone should appear,
but Gene, hung over from way too much beer.
With a gravelly voice, so dried out and thick
I knew in a moment the man was real sick.
“What happened?” I asked him. “You’re sounding so frail.”
“We partied,” he said. “I think I’m in jail!”
I sent an urgent message using Vax mail,
Asking for donations to help him make bail.
Leveroni was busy, too tied up in his game
Moria, he said, would provide him with fame.
We asked Mister Bates, but that was a flop,
he just spent his money on his fifth Jeep top.
We called all the offices for more of the same
we whistled and shouted and called them by name,
Hey Nikki, hey Megan, hey Mark, Tom and Marc
How ’bout some bucks, or Gene’s in the dark.
With screeching tires, and screams and whatnot,
Gene slid his new car into an ERA spot
Patty helped him out of the car with a wail,
And Kevin was with them, he posted the bail.
I heard Gene exclaim as he came into sight,
“Oh my God, Oh my God! What a terrible night!”
By: “Kevin? C.”
20-DEC-1991 16:56
‘Twas the night before PRODUCT and all through the TOOL,
all the analysts were working, mad like a fool.
When down from the hall they heard such a clatter,
the head disk assembly let go of a platter!
‘Round and ’round the disk drive ground
choke and puke, the disks spun down.
The processor halted it could not run
all the TOOL’S PRODUCTS had been undone !
Bits and bytes all over the place
the smile dropped off the user’s face.
“CRASH IMMINENT! CRASH IMMINENT!” they cried with alert
“Stand back! Stand back! So no one gets hurt !”
Then the consultants in unison sang
about the system going down with a bang
“CRASH IMMINENT! CRASH IMMINENT!” They clamored to see
“no paid holidays this year for me !”
“Who can help us” they cried a plea.
Out came PLACE_NAME_HERE with the brain of a pea!
“Oh, let me !” he chortled with glee.
He pushed the buttons and flipped a key
he twisted and fidgeted and contorted the dial,
he kicked the box with a wicked smile.
It coughed and sputtered and farted,
lo and behold the damn thing started !
It jerked and danced and then it whirled
never such a sight in the entire world !
Nibbles and bits came thru first,
then bytes and kilos in a data burst!
It only took a moment or two
then megabytes came streaming through the I/O queue.
Disk lights all twinkled and sparked
the disk drives, why they were no longer parked !
Response time! Response time! Response time a plenty!
the system screamed at the demands of the many.
With a cry and a shout,
he called the PRODUCTS out !
On MAKE! On MANAGER!
On IMPACT and BUILD!
Damn be the budget
we were over-billed !
Up came PRODUCTS all eager and new
the increased performance! the increased revenue!
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